Posted by on Jan 20, 2011 in blog | 128 comments

Restaurant War !! Isn’t what every Chef is gunning for ??

Here we go again, Top Chef Restaurant War !! All Star Style !! Ouch ! Reality is, for who get my profession as serious as I take it, this should be the challenge of a lifetime. And when I say my profession not necessary I think about making food and pretty dishes, I always mean making people smile…..with food…..with smiles…..by caring for them, cause at the end sometimes can always happen that you won’t convince them with your food right ?? So you better confuse them, in a good way, with all the rest.

But lets cut the chase here…… it’s restaurant wars !! This will be my commentary as I’m watching the re-run of the show on my DVR, the Tweet Battle with Richard Blais and @bravotv occupied most of my time tonight, I have to re-watching !!

Let’s starting from the beginning……..

Bromance

Carla Hall wake up mumbling that Jamie Lauren and Tiffany Faison are been sent home in the past episode, I will admit…. technically I’m not the best chef in the house and I could’ve been sent home already, maybe or maybe not, but for Jamie was time to go….actually was about time !! Tiffany ?? That girl can cook, I guarantee you that, she went home too…. it’s the roulette of one mistake, do it and you’re out !! Sorry girls, let’s move on…… 3 girls left, 3 too many for me….. for a Man, doesn’t matter how good you are, in life, it’s already hard
enough to deal with one woman…3 ?? Impossible !!

Richard Blais is eating a Banana with Nutella, I am making a Sandwich with it….Professor what the hell is wrong with you ?? Can’t dip a Banana in Nutella, it’s wrong…. would you dip a Tootsie Roll in Mustard ?? Got the point ?? And you sound little tied up in the interview, Blais relax…. its a game !!

Antonia LoFaso feel like a she has a conspiracy around her…The Black Hammer, she says is coincidences, I say stay away from me today. I don’t believe in luck but I don’t mess with karma, karma is Italian….. and she look like she is the freaking unlucky charm, you hang with her, you’re dead !! Nina, Valerie, Zoe, Jen, Jamie, Tiffany….. who will be next ?? Thank god I’m not on your team !!! Still love you thought.

Packed in a Toyota Van like stuffing in a turkey we are heading to Le Bernardine, 3 start Michelin Restaurant since my Grandma was 20…. it’s a long way back there, this restaurant is amazing and Eric Ripert is one of those chefs than when you have dream at night that one day you will make it in the Chef heaven, he is what you will dream about.

Justo Thomas, is his fish monger, this guy is good, actually is ‚Äúthe best there is‚Äù, he clean every day 700 to 1000lbs of fish in less than 6 hours, i do that in 6 month, Anthony Bourdain probably will take 6 years !! I’m ok with it…. I’ll leave this to him, if I wasn’t running my restaurant since I was 18 I would’ve have more time to practice my fish monger skills, but this guy is truly amazing, witness him clean fish is like to witness a pianist play a symphony for his own mother, my eyes got teared.

Richard Blais look like hes about to throw up !! Richie relax is JUST Bourdain and Eric Ripert fish monger….no one is sending anyone home right now !!!

Challenge start, all the fishes are kept perfectly in ice bucket and as I work my hands are getting frozen, really sharp knife lead to my left hand thumb passed from side to side with a filet knife…. I bleed, but I suck it up and keep going, but since it hurt I can get a solid grip on the fluke and I cant really complete my second fish, I would’ve need an extra minutes, rules are rules, it is what it is…… I did a prefect Cod and an incomplete fluke, I’m in the bottom, I didn’t finish my fish. Will i be able to sleep tonight thinking about ?? I think so.

Antonia Lofaso, Carla Hall, Myself, Angelo ‘Tied-Pants’ Sosa, Tiffany, Tre Wilcox are in the bottom, Carla Hall and Antonia Lofaso cant even get a filet out of 2 fish…. it’s ok…… ask Justo, he will do it for you. Richard Blais, Mike ‘my-brother’ Isabella, Marcel Vigneron and Dale Talde are the TOP 4 in the Justo challenge !! Good Job…. if you win you can substitute justo in his day off…lol !!

The dishes that they make after, by using fish leftover and fish guts are AMAZING, this is what separated the Kings from the Pawns….I probably would’ve make Gnocchi !! You guys deserve to be there !!! I’m happy to chill with my BRAND-NEW-HOLE in my thumb in the Bernardine dining room, can I have a hot tea please and a plate of sea urchin ?? No ?? I figured that, but ask don’t cost much….you never know !

Dale Talde kick everybody’s ass by making 2 dish, one with the back fin of a Cod and another one with Cod Liver Vinagrette…. Marcel gets the shitstick cause his texture is monocromatic…. wasn’t that suppose to be associated with color ?? Anyway…. Marcel stop foaming and pureeing everything and start to make some foods that will require a knife please to be eaten, thanks.

Justo like the dish but don’t like the portion size, and BTW, he has an accent. Thicker than me. BOOM.

We are in the TOP CHEF kitchen and Padma let us know about Ludo Lafevre, hes a Master in POP UP, restaurant, IT’S RESTAURANT WAR !!!

Dale Talde and Tre Wilcox are been sent home in third season in restaurant war…. in the past 20 years I’ve managed and owned and open over 15 restaurants, this is my bread and butter, bring it on !! Did you see how happy I was when Padma she said the magic words ??

Dale is a FREAKING GENIUS….. he pick Marcel cause he knew exactly that he needed to pick someone with such a big ego that he would’ve run the other team right into a wall….. Mike Isabella was right, Marcel Vigneron is a TIME BOMB.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Marcel passion, I like Marcel technique, what I don’t like about Marcel are his people skills, thumbs down to Marcel people skills, he needs to learn a lots.

Richard Blais freak out cause he don’t want to be with Marcel and he get away cause Dale pick him first, Angelo has to kiss Marcel ass so he look good on TV, Tiffany when Marcel pick her almost faint, I KNEW that Marcel wouldn’t picked me…. I guess being kicked out from Top Chef is better than get beat up with a stick from me…. Marcel what’s up with the ninja bandana ?? Marcel piss everybody off even before to start the shopping.

They are going down. Period. Marcel wants to GRAB THE BULL BY THE HORNS…. be careful cause there is a chance that you’ll get those horns right up in your……

Tiffany, Angelo, Mike, Antonia are GREAT chefs, as Marcel is…… but Dale just handed a 600Hp Lamborghini in the hands of a teenager !! He will kill himself eventually….. I’ll just cut his break off, by running a PERFECT 10 restaurant to make sure he does it as soon as possible!! haha !!

BODEGA is born….they go for ETCH, the name that should leave the mark in your memory right ?? I promise you that the only mark you’ll have left later when we will be done with you guys, will be the one left in your A** by Marcel’s bull !! Wait wait….did Marcel changed bandana again ??

FYI Richard Blais, I’m not doing a Cheese Cake, is a Cappuccino and Amaretto Ricotta cake with Espresso Caviar…..

As we are working a busy kitchen Marcel send Tom Colicchio at Bay, Tom is not happy about it and he get all weird out, I’m introducing myself to my server, front of the house is as important as the food and I like to run my restaurants with a very tight organization, everything is perfectly organized, i run a tight ship, frog’s ass tight.

I opened my first restaurant when i was 18, I did fail, miserably. But I learned a lesson, and I never failed again. Now I like to be a simple, easy food, laid back perfectionist !!

Marcel is telling Tiffany how to cook an egg and Tiffany get all pissy about it…. she knows how to cook eggs !! Marcel get out of there !! Wait…. Tiffany…. did you just screwed up your Eggs ??? Next time listen Marcel !! haha !!

Marcel is making another foam….really brother ?? Didn’t you learn anything from Jamie Top Scallops ?? Our food is playful, simple and easy to plate….Their food is complex, hard to play and too technical, but this is just my opinion….

Dale gets all pissy and trash talk to my server: MISTAKE. No one talk shit when I’m around, we smile, be nice and move on, a pissed off server cause the Chef is a dick will only hurt the customer overall experience, so Dale please shut the hell up and give me those freaking eggs !! Next time you act like a Nazi when I’m around in the kitchen i will take you with me to Lake Michigan and use you as a water board…. clear ?? Love you Brother !!

Dana Cowin editor of Food & Wine Magazine is there, the judges are there too and I’m taking care the floor like a Mamma Bear would take care of his little newborn Cub. No I don’t want to have a date with Dana… she is a very beautiful woman but I do have already found the woman of my life and I adore her to pieces. A million of them. Period. Plus I don’t think I’m her type.

Judges LOVE our food, BOTTEGA is a hit, and I’m quoting Anthony Bourdain statement ‚ÄúI feel i Fucking LOVE Fabio’s dessert‚Äù , thanks Anthony, you made my night, actually my Grandma’s night, she is in the hospital right now, she is not doing well, I don’t know if she will make it alive this time, she will be happy to know that you did like her ricotta cake !! Thanks again.

Judges are now trying the other restaurant….no one welcome them at the door, they did wait to be seated, they did wait to be served and they are HUNGRY cause the food is not coming out from the kitchen cause Mike and Marcel are too busy fighting on who has the biggest sword….. they are going down.

I tried Antonia dish, although the sauce is little salty the Gnudi of ricotta are really good, Mike Isabella has a winner dish, i love octopus and pork belly is great….. good Job my Jersey Brother.

At the end the team ETCH is sending out a plate that smoke, I bet Bourdain and some other diners would’ve prefer a bag of weed, at this point I think ill pick that one too instead of Marcel dessert !! I’m kidding, please don’t use drugs, an awful dessert is still better than any good drugs….

Team ETCH go first at Judges Table but is only a falsee alarm… although enough to freak out Richard Blais and have him drive me nuts NUTS !!! Blais chill the F… out !!! WE are on top, just like a cherry on the best cake you’ve ever seen, trust me Professor.

Judges Table is a shit show, everybody blame everybody, I’m not commenting the food cause I actually liked most of their dishes, beside awful eggs pickled in salt and sugar, really ?? and Marcel stoner dessert— I found their food decent….

76 diners vote for US, only 17 for THEM, and I heard that Tiffany is been seen giving away Angelo’s phone number to young girl in exchange of votes….lol….sorry guys you blew it !!

We WON !!!! Fabio take the Princess-Service-Front-Of-The-House Home as I’m producing also a kick ass dessert as well, all the rest of the dishes are complimented the whole time at Judges Table !! Richard Blais get the prize, the glory and 10K …. am I happy for him ?? Yes…. am I disappointed that I wasn’t the one that won ?? Yes…. No one ever want to do the front of the house and no one ever want to do dessert in RESTAURANT WARS…. I’ve done both in an excellent way, maybe this time I should’ve get a little prize…..

Now it’s 2:45am and I have to go to bed…… hope you liked it, hope you like my blog and I’m looking forward to write the next one !!! Goodnight…..

FYI. Yes i have a Bromance with Richard Blais, Stefan is officially dismissed.
FYI number 2. Marcel went home. Lamborghini is NOT car for Teenager. BOOM